Update March 2010

  Stewarts are out of control. Kate has myriad of "projects" in the works designed specifically to torture me on various fronts. Let me highlight the latest two for you reading pleasure.


        Those of you who have visited our home (ok, that would be Buster...) (By the way Jason, when are you coming?) know about our bay window overlooking a small patch of green pasture in the great arid Mohave desert. It is an awesome window we love...but during the summer the sunlight and morning sunrise is a little intense. Stupid me suggested she look into some type of window covering. I was envisioning a sheet, or maybe those mini-blind things if we really wanted to be adventurous. Kate, though, had a "vision" more akin to window treatments found I am sure in many oil tycoon palaces throughout the mid-east. To help her, she flew in her little sister from BYU who apparently is majoring in interior/landscape design. What the hell kind of major is that? Really?


        For the last two days I have watched those two take turns standing in front of the window holding up sample fabrics designed to "tie the room together" while "highlighting the window and woodwork" without "overpowering the mood to the room". How can a room have mood? Seriously, I am near my snapping point. After a couple days and four or five hundred samples they announced that it was narrowed down to three and they wanted my opinion. I have to admit I was a bit flattered and paid close attention as the three were held up and positioned in various locations around the window. Amazingly, it appeared to me that all three were the same fabric! As a result I innocently announced that "it doesn't matter, all three look the same". Obviously this was not the answer they were looking for, I was informed (rather rudely) that the fabrics were not the same...or even close. I was told to look at the texture and pattern and asked ridiculous questions like "is it too rich?" Frustrating stuff. I retreated to the kitchen area where I could still see the game without being subject to curtain torture.


        An hour later I was informed that they had decided on the fabric and now were picking blinds. I immediately protested stating that there were no need for blinds if we have curtains...we simply draw the curtains to block the sun in the morning and then open the curtains once the sun is overhead. Seemed simple to me. That was when I was informed that the curtains they had spent two days deciding on actually are designed not to open or shut. they just hang there...... The blinds are a separate unit that go up and down to block sun. The curtains are for looks. Are you kidding me? Not only was the information making no sense, but is was being delivered by both Kate and sister with the same intonations and gestures (which implied that I was very much design-handicapped). I was even asked how I could be so clueless. Am I clueless? Isn't the point of curtains to cover the window? Help me out here.


        Frustrations in design then moved to the yard. For two years I have successfully kept our yard "desert landscaped" to match the design of most of our red neck neighbors. There are advantages to being able to drive a tractor/truck/horse/motor bike/four wheeler around the home without worrying about messing up the landscaping. Unfortunately my two year landscaping hiatus has come to an end. For the last two weeks I have been busy trying to get the grades right so that the curbing dudes can do their thing. I was also surprised to learn that this same helpful sister in law has used our home as her senior thesis for landscape design. Curiously I took a gander at the plans while she and Kate traced in various features around the yard with their cans of marking paint. The layout is ridiculous. I have vetoed some...but have lost the battle on others such as a "sitting area" as if we have any time to sit anywhere and the "fence to nowhere" designed to delineate the back yard from front, but with no practical purpose whatsoever..literally a sixty foot stretch of fence with a gate. Why anyone would use the gate I am not sure... you can simply walk around either end!


        The next few weeks around our home should be interesting. My strategy is "filibuster" this landscape project to the point that Kate gives up and puts it off until next year. However, I see a determination in her eyes that does make me doubt my ability to pull it off. We will see.