Ego.

Five months ago I agreed to do something so stupid and foolish that I am sure to this day I must have been under the influence of some type of drug. Fifteen days from today, approximately 360 hours, or 21,200 minutes, Kate and I (and a few close psychotic friends) will be hiking the Grand Canyon. When I say hike I don’t mean a day trip on the rim or down to the campground near the bottom, we are hiking rim to rim, 24 miles, in one day! I know what you are thinking….our fat friend is going to die… and I agree. Let me explain how I got into this mess!

Two years ago my boss approached me about a rim to rim hike he and his wife had done a couple of times and had planned to do again in October of that year. It was January of 2006 and I was pushing record body weight (a record that has since been broken many…many times). My wife was training for a half marathon and I thought what the hell, sounds like fun! He cautioned me that I needed to start training then, and updated me somewhat as to how the hike would be. I excitedly booked our rooms, bought some good hiking shoes, and then forgot about the whole thing until about mid September. (Update Interruption: 21,193 minutes and counting till death march 2008). Kate, on the other hand, began training and was so excited about the event. Each morning she would get up and run while I slept. She stuck to her diet while I expanded the waste line. Sometime in September, while holding my 44 oz Pepsi in one hand and peeling off the wrapper to a Twinkie with the other, it dawned on me that I was supposed to be hiking the Grand Canyon in a couple of weeks. To show my dedication and willpower I ate only half the twinkie and logged on to the Grand Canyon website to read about our upcoming outing. Fear and panic set in as I red article after article about the rim to rim adventure.

The site cautioned all hikers to allow a minimum of 48 hours to traverse the canyon and warned hikers not to enter the canyon without having reservations at the campgrounds in the canyon or at the lodge because of the frigid night temperatures. Night temperatures? I remembered my boss saying that we would hike all the way through in one day! I then saw the red capitol lettering toward the bottom of the site that warned all to not attempt to traverse the canyon in one day and went on to list the names of those who had died trying. DIED TRYING? My stomach began to churn and I realized I needed an excuse, and fast. (Update Interruption: 21,183 minutes and counting till death march 2008).That night I had a heart to heart with my wife and explained that I was certain I would not survive. She agreed, shared with me her disappointment in my lack of willpower to train or even diet for the event, (as I was finishing the last twinkie in the box) and made me promise that I would go to my boss the next day and explain why we were canceling out. The next day I explained honestly to my boss about the ingrown toe nail, pulled hamstring, and flu I was experiencing that threatened to eliminate us from the hike. He, shockingly, was very understanding and asked if we would like to go as drivers to drive the vehicles around the canyon from the North Rim to South (a four hour trip.).

And so we did, in 2006, participate as drivers of the group of hikers. Kate was bitter that we were not hiking, but I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We dropped the hikers off shortly before 5am and most of the group finished on the other side around 5:30 that afternoon. While waiting for the hikers at the trail head Kate and I read on a plaque about the hikers who had died in the canyon while attempting to go rim to rim. One was a marathon runner. Another plaque indicated that rangers air lift out hundreds of hikers each year. As they began to arrive, our group, most very fit and well prepared, were completely give out, barely able to walk to the car. It looked painful. One hiker, a scout master and outdoorsman, did not make it out until just before midnight, As a result of the hike he lost three toe nails and was unable to walk for two days. I was very glad to have been the driver! (Update Interruption: 21,172 minutes and counting till death march 2008).

So, having witnessed the pain and agony of the hike first hand, one might wonder why in the world we would agree less than two years later to once again give it a try? EGO. It is all driven by ego. Five months ago my old boss called me and said, I know you were too much of a wimp to do it two years ago, but we are going to hike this year and were wondering if you would like to come. Like to come I said, how about like to lead the group? He asked if I intended to cop out and drive like last time. I told him over my dead body! (which may prove to be prophetic). It was on!

Well, similar to two years ago, five months have passed and little has been done. Kate is ready (as usual) and I am….well….getting warmed up. I have dropped a few pounds, put the twinkies away for a season, and resorted to drinking diet soda. Two weeks ago we actually went hiking. I hiked for what seemed forever, was winded, and turned to my wife to tell her we ought to turn around or we may be returning in the dark. She disgustedly informed me we had been hiking for 18 minutes and that the truck was still in sight below us. In my defense it did feel a lot farther. (Update Interruption: 21,153 minutes and counting till death march 2008).

So I ask you to remember me on the morning of Saturday October 3, 2008, some 21,150 minutes from now, as I depart on a journey I am quite sure I will not finish. When you remember me, don’t just think of the pepsi and twinkie, remember the chubby face behind junk food with a good heart yet uncontrollable ego which led to his untimely demise.