Power Naps, Politics, Weight Loss, and Routines

Little Jesse James Stewart is three weeks old today. I have to be honest, I feel like he should be approaching his one year mark! I don’t know how it is possible, but you forget how much work these little people are.

How do we forget? Most people burn themselves on a stove once. From then on they look at the stove and think, damn, that hurt. As a result they avoid the stove. Childbirth, on the other hand, does not follow the logic. We have a baby, we think, wow, this is a lot of work! The baby starts to walk and bam, wife decides it is time for another “bundle of joy”. Bundle of joy?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the little guy. But these creatures are machines. He wakes, he eats, he burps, he squirms, he fusses, he fills his diaper, he passes out. He wakes he eats… you all know the routine. And our Jesse sticks to his routine. Every three hours, like clock work, he begins the process. The process (milk from mouth to diaper) takes approximately one hour. That leaves two hours before it repeats. It reminds me of a version of Groundhog Day, minus Bill Murray.

Now for some needed clarification; I am not there for most of the routine. I hear about it in tired phone calls and texts from the GM of Domestic Affairs. I only really experience it in the night. Most nights I simply have to wake long enough to nudge the GM out of bed. Friday night, Saturday Night, and on occasion one night during the week are mine. My think positive approach to the “routine” was that I am simply trading my night of sleep for three, two hour power naps. Three weeks later my optimism has given way to the bloodshot eyes and grumpiness. How long must this last!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We received the doctor and hospital bills for the delivery. Kate informed me we have “crappy” insurance and that I should bring it up with my boss because it just isn’t right. I, (Thinking but not saying), …

Wait a minute… I guess I had better take a moment to explain that concept. I have a cousin Tory who is very animated and loves to tell a good story. While very lively, these stories often contain exaggerations and half truths. To sift through the entertainment with some hope of separating fact from fiction, we instituted the phrase “thinking but not saying”. During his frequent rants it is perfectly acceptable, if one hears something unbelievable, to interrupt by asking the question (thinking but not saying?) and he, or the story teller, has to stop and clarify whether he or any other person in the story was actually saying what he has indicated, or was simply thinking that at the time without verbal expression. I encourage you to implement this truth finder in your own lives.

Ok, back to the story.

(Thinking but not saying) Great idea Kate! I will tell my boss what I think of our crappy insurance today, as we are entering a recession, where job cuts are becoming frequent, and where the world has about 2 million too many attorneys as it is! As I was traveling into work today I was listening to the news about John McCain giving a speech on immigration, affordable health care, and taxes…which party is he with? I mean really. The most powerful country in the world with an intelligent, motivated population of millions and JOHN MCCAIN is the best we can come up with for a Republican nominee? As I listened to him fumble through some joke with Letterman about your shorts filling up with air in a Jacuzzi I finally had to turn the channel out of embarrassment for me, my party, and the American way. Ok, that’s all on politics…well almost.

Back to the McCain speech on health care; Health Care has to be affordable for everyone was the message (ironically also the message of the democrats, the socialists, and communists world wide who, again ironically, prefer to come to America for health treatment….hmmm….) McCain was making. This reminded me of the conversation I was supposed to have with my boss that I was likely going to think but not say. My insurance (according to the GM of Domestic Affairs) was crappy. I had to pay out of pocket approximately $800.00 for the little guy. That seemed like a lot, until I remembered that I had just spent $807.00 on a new set of tires for my work truck at Discount Tires. Ironically, my new son’s birth and Wife’s care had cost the same as a new set of tires. Is that really expensive considering the context? Should a child’s birth and wife’s care cost less than a new set of tires for the automobile you bring them home in? Welcome to my deep thoughts at 5:30 am, forty-five minutes north of Las Vegas on a Monday morning.

Last night as I was feeding the little guy I turned on my new favorite show, Biggest Loser, and nestled in for an entertaining last hour. I am sad to say that such a show is now the highlight of my once daring and unpredictable life. I am intrigued by the contestants and their desire to lose weight (and of course win some cash) and how weight loss has changed their lives. I was still pouting somewhat from earlier in the night when my wife, while scarfing down some peanut M&M’s, turned to me and said that WE really needed to commit to lose some weight. At the time she said this I was at the table choking down one of my Nutri-System meals and dreaming of a double bacon cheeseburger. (Thinking but not saying) What the hell was she talking about? Could she not see my pain and anguish each day as I am literally starving myself to death?

Later that night as I slipped into bed she muttered in her sleep about how proud she was that I have actually lost thirty five pounds and then added that I only had thirty more pounds to go! (Thinking but not saying) Could have done without the additional reminder of the long road ahead.